Why The Name "Tosca"?

The romantic answer to this question would be that my Tosca is named for the Puccini Opera. I mean Tosca was the "most beautiful woman in the world" who looks just like a painting of Mary Magdaline that is really a painting of herself, or some such thing. But you see, Tosca got duped by a guy and ended up killing herself because of it, a rather tragic ending after all. And the fact is, women in Opera always get duped and end up dead because of it, unless it's a comedy, in which case women just get laughed at. This, they call entertainment. Tosca's "entertaining" story goes like this:

Mario Cavaradossi, an artist at work in a church, encounters Angelotti, a friend and an escaped prisoner seeking sanctuary. Mario befriends him, helping him away in the disguise of a woman. Floria Tosca, Mario’s fiancée, and a famous singer, suspects Mario of a flirtation, and the suspicion is fostered by Scarpia, the asshole chief of police, who is able to show her a fan dropped by Angelotti in his flight. In the second Act, Scarpia arrests the artist for complicity in Angelotti’s escape, and Mario is being tortured in a room beside that in which Scarpia sees Tosca, for whom he has conceived a violent passion (violent passion is a requirement in Opera--second only to the woman getting shafted). In her mental distress Tosca tells the whereabouts of Angelotti, and the torture of Mario ceases. Scarpia now presses Tosca to yield her honour (sounds like a few GM's at GE I worked for), and at the price of Mario’s life she consents, but suddenly murders Scarpia with a carving-knife and escapes (Was it good for you, Scarpia?). After a scene between Tosca and her lover in the prison, Scarpia’s treachery is revealed; for Mario, in spite of Scarpia’s promise to order a blank cartridge (promises, promises), is really shot, and the preconcerted plan by which he was to feign death and then escape comes to naught (well, not exactly, Scarpia got his. Truthfully, I might do the same if Placido Domingo is the dealer)). Whereupon Tosca throws herself from the parapet into the Tiber (Then everybody applauds and cheers).

"Neat" huh? Overall, in the world of Opera, women are screwed and die for love. But the overtures and arias are always spectacular, so that should more than make up for a couple of expendable dead women with broken hearts. Besides, aside from the fact that Puccini didn't respect women any more than most Opera writers, his music is to die for (scuse the pun).

Now, I could say that *my* Tosca will have already learned from the mistake of her namesake, thereby avoiding the typical sentence of the ladies of Opera. But the truth is, it won't make a difference, because Tosca will be spayed before her life can be ruined by love and she will never get near a parapet or the Tiber. Ok, enough of the philosophy and onto the reality. I have a friend named Tosca. That's the truth. Tosca is a riot and a very classy lady besides. Nobody who knows Tosca can deny this. She will never land in the Tiber. The thing is, Tosca has no grandchildren and if her kids are anything like me, the closest thing she will come is a pet named after her. Therefore, I named my Tosca after her. She is very excited about this and refers to herself as Tosca's "Godmother". This could make for some pretty good gifts, don't you think?

So, just so we understand, the poor sacrificial fool below, the poster child for operatic themes, who gave Scarpia his kicks in order to save Mario, only to find Mario deader than a doornail compliments of Scarpia, just so Puccini could put his music to a story, is NOT the Tosca for whom my beautiful doggie is named. This post should also explain why I prefer Three Tenor performances and the Symphony. Great music, nobody dies.