Happy New Year!

Yeah, Mojo picked out the song. What can I tell ya? I am definitely not in charge here. But so anyways, me and my cats which all you dogs, cats, hamsters, bunnys and every other species reading my blog a Happy New Year! And that includes our not-so-bright humans too. We love our two legged pets, feeding machines, such as they are, right?

I love you all.

Happy Holidays!

Ok well here it is nearly Christmas and so far none of you has ever seen me move. I mean you have seen bad photos of me brought to you by The Woman who is photographically impaired. Well guess what? The Woman bought a camcorder, so now in addition to being photgraphically impaired, she is video impaired. So here's my first video. The Woman had to dub music over her voice because she was swearing a lot trying to get the camera to work for her inept self. But I, on the other hand, was the Perfect Collie that I always am, so here I am being obedient and encouraging her to get this first paltry movie to work.

Count on more equally bad but longer videos of me and my cats in the future. That is, if The Woman doesn't throw the camera against the wall first. Maybe when you see how truly bad she is at this, one of you will finally come get me the heck out of this Nuthouse. All I can say is it's a good thing I'm Perfect, right?


Me and my cats just want to wish all our fellow dogs, cats, hamsters and readers a Merry Christmas. And if you don't celebrate Christmas, we wish you just plain happiness!

Me and The Nutball Woman want you to know how much we love and appreciate you all, especially my loyal fans. After all, a Perfect Collie has to have fans, right??

To all my Kitty Friends :May Santa bring you all the catnip you want. The good stuff, from Columbia.

May Santa bring all you doogs a boatload of smelly bully sticks while your humans gag at the knowledge that we dogs LOVE bull wee wees! How much fun is THAT?

May Santa bring our Honorary Dog, Girl Girl lots of nesting material and hamster treats, whatever hamster treats are.

I gotta run now and pretend I've been good all year so I get everything I want.

Face Licks,
Tosca

Me and Mojo Sing

Me and my cat Mojo put a coupla songs together for your Christmas listening pleasure. Just double click on any of the songs below and enjoy.


(I had to remove this so the other song in my new post could play, sorry doods and doodettes!)

Which Reindeer Are You??

Dear Uncle Joe and cousins Essex and Deacon at Keywestcollies: Thank you for the Essexmas card. I got more cards this year than The Woman. Is this a surprise? Of course not.

Now onto which reindeer I am and a little test for all you dogs, kits and hamsters:

You Are Dasher

You're an independent minded reindeer who never plays by the rules. Why You're Naughty: That little coup you tried to stage against Santa last year Why You're Nice: You secretly give naughty children presents.

Which of Santa's Reindeer Are You?

Got Snow?????

Oh Dog!

I was like sooooo excited when we got 6 inches of snow like all at once! I mean don't get me wrong, I like leaves, but snow is the bomb! I mean you can run in it and slide all around and you don't have to work because snow doesn't need to be herded like leaves. So it's just play.

Anyways we got this really great snow and The Woman was moaning and whining about alllllllllll thisssss snowwwwwwwww. She was whining about how she had to shovvvvvvvelllllll allllllll thissssss snowwwwwww! I mean come on! Why shovel it??? Leave it! It's fun! I don't get it with humans. They just don't know what's good! They throw away perfectly good food in the garbage. Stuff like steak grizzle and chicken skin! I mean come on! That's good stuff! So is snow!

Anyways, I was looking out the back window and hopping around and moaning and honking and hopping some more, figuring if I honk and moan enough she would throw me outside or something for punishment. I wanted to get out into that stuff ASAP or sooner. So then she said,

All Right Tosca, go be a Snow Bunny.

So out I went. I ran here. I ran there. I ran here again. I stuck my tongue out and caught some flakes. It was everywhere!

Then the woman came out all bundled up like the abominable snowman. Humans aren't lucky like Collies. I don't need to get all dressed up for snow. I got my double coat and I'm good to go. So out she came, complaining and moaning about how cold it was while I circled her and tried to herd her. To be honest, she looked really stupid in all those clothes and I was glad we were on our own private land so nobody saw me with her because it was really embarrassing.

Then, are you ready for this?

She threw snow in my Perfect face, can you imagine? I mean she picked up a glob of snow and pushed it right in my Perfect face! So I knocked her on her butt. I mean I didn't hurt her or anything because the snow was like a big ole mattress for her butt and she was wearing like fifteen pounds of clothing. But she whined anyways.

"Tosca,!" she whined, "It's colllllllllllllllllllld."

"Tosca you shouldn't knock me on my butt! "

"Tosca, why did you do that?" she screetched.

Like what do you mean Why Did I Do It? I did it because I could!

But so anyways, she was getting kind of stiff and frozen after awhile, and she was whining pretty steadily, so she went inside, thank Dog. Then I could actually have some fun. I chased a boatload of those rotten lousy squirrels. And they were hanging over me in the trees shaking the branches and getting snow all over me, and one of these days I am gonna grab one of those squirrels and shake the bejesus out of it and then I am gonna........oh...sorry, I was Squirrel Festering again. Give me a minute...

Ok I'm all right now.

But so anyways, it was a good day in the snow. I think I look good in snow don't you? The woman always says Tosca you look so good in the snow. I personally don't give a rat's butt how I look in the snow.

I just LOVE the white stuff!

Ask Tosca Claus

Tell Tosca Claus what you want for Christmas and I will post it so that your dumb humans will get the point and not buy you something you don't really want. Let it all hang out doogs. Go for the Gold! After all, I am going to embarrass these humans with follow up after Christmas to make sure you have been properly taken care of!

Yo, Humans, take note! Listen to your doogs, folks, and maybe you would find fewer chairs chewed, fewer spots on the carpet and stuff like that. You reading me?

Post your wishes in the comments section and I will post it right here in front on my blog for Dog and everybody to see. This guarantees you get what you want. Whoot and Ho Ho Ho!

The Woman's Laptop Broke and I Was Biting My Foot!

Oh man let me tell you, I couldn't get online for a long time, most of the week. Bummer I tell you! Bummer!

The Woman's laptop went belly up and, since she's a digit head, she invoked her dubious skills at fixing it. On Sunday I was like Oh Boy, there goes my online life! On Monday, I was twitching a little bit. By Tuesday, I was in full withdrawal and The Woman had to give me a raw meaty bone and send me out in the yard while she worked.

Let me tell you gang, there were laptop pieces all over the place. And screws! TONS of screws! $nack kept wanting to play with the screws and I was getting more nervous by the minute. My foot was getting raw from biting it! I got a LOT of raw meaty bones this past week let me tell you.

Now I have to admit that I doubted the woman's abilility to fix this mess for a few seconds. Ok ok, I doubted her for longer than a few seconds. Because by Thursday, the thing was still in pieces.

"I'm waiting for parts, Tosca" she droned.

"Stop pestering me Tosca" she blurted.

"Tosca have faith" she whined.

But still, it was Friday and ....nothing. Just pieces of my own personal laptop all taken apart and locked in the dining room sitting there right on the LL Bean Farmhouse table, which I might add, I am used to cruising with my nose. The Woman wouldn't let any of us in there. "I don't want your hairs all over everything Tosca," she snipped.

Well by late Friday I was like totally needing a methadone program or something. I was in full withdrawal. The Woman was kind of twitchy herself to tell the truth. Then the Fed Ex guy showed up. I hate that Fed Ex guy. I have tried to eat him on several occasions and he is so scared of my own perfect self that he leaves packages at the door, rings the bell and runs. What a tobacco roader that guy is. I mean I LOVE the UPS guy. That guy is just plain cool. He can come right in with the packages and I do my very best to leave some of my perfect fur all over him. He has biscuits too! I mean they are your common run of the mill biscuits, they're not Canidae Snap Biscuits like I am used to, but they do in a pinch let me tell you. But the Fex Ex guy? He could bring me a steak for all I care, I still want to eat him. But hey, at least he brought The Parts. I gave him a slight reprieve for that, but make no mistake, I will catch him another time.

But so anyways, here I am online again folks. The Woman pulled off the repair. She replaced the entire Mother Board. What the fershtunk is a Mother Board? Do they have Father Boards too? And if so, how come she didn't replace the Father Board? I mean replace the whole family right? Anyways, the power supply was all screwed up too, so I mean she practically replaced the whole fershtunkin' mess. Ok it took her all week but she pulled it off. I mean how cool is that? I'm kinda glad she took all week because I got more raw bones, if you get my drift.

I do have to tell you that the laptop had a lot of me in there. I mean there was fur everywhere. So the innards got a good cleaning and now I will have to start all over furring up the laptop. Cripes, a dog's work is never done is it???

Anyways, I am sure you all missed me. When I cruise your blogs, I just bet I will read "Where's Perfect Tosca"? posts just dedicated to me. I mean I'm gonna see that, right? Right?