I demand equal time!

Hey, dogs, superior cats and other four legged friends, this is Mojo.

Above is a shot of me and my brother Roni, who were minding our own peaceful business taking a nice nap. Notice the dog to the left we are ignoring. She was not invited. Just so you know.

Listen, there are a couple of things you need to comprende. First of all, I am not Tosca's cat like she keeps calling me. She's my dog. I was here first. It's as simple as that. I let her stay. If I didn't let her stay, she would be in a Second Home instead of whining on a blog.

Furthermore, if you could only see how pathetic this big chooch is when I show her the Five Razors, you would understand exactly who is in charge here.

Ok that's settled. Now onto the real problem. Dogs stink in general, whereas cats smell Spring Fresh all the time. Everybody knows this, so don't bother denying it. Now, Tosca is a Collie, and it's fairly common knowledge among humans that Collies are stinkless dogs. Any human with a Collie will tell you this. No doggie smell. So they think.

The thing is, human noses are useless. To cats, Collies stink. This dog stinks! And she won't leave me the hell alone! She hangs out with me day and night, so I carry her stink with me everywhere I go. The other cats don't even want to know me after Tosca spits me up. She thinks she's "cleaning me". Yeesh, I practically need a full bath when she's done with me. My brother Roni just told me the other day, he said,

Mojo you stink of Tosca. Get out of here! Bleck!

How do you think this makes me feel?

The thing is, I can't get away from her. I mean, I can't even go to the litter box or have some private time alone without her whining and carrying on. It's pathetic I tell you. This dog the size of Rhode Island cries at the bottom of the stairs if I go up there and take a nap by myself. She doesn't dare come up there either. You know why? Because I Rule, that's why.

It's not only that she stinks.

But her spit gets stiff.

This is not so with cats, which is just one more of many superior things about us cats. Cat spit does not get stiff. When cat spit dries you are left with that signature "Spring Fresh" scent. Downy soft, really. Not so with this dog. I mean she licks my head and I look like Spike when she's done. I offer this photo as Exhibit A. Look at my head. That's Tosca spit, folks. How do you think I feel when she does this? Do I need to answer you? Just look at my expression. When she's done spitting me up like this, it takes me half a day just to get cleaned up. How fair is this?

Now on the other paw, when I lick Tosca, she has some semblence of "clean". I don't leave her all stiff and stinky. Not that I care to lick her but sometimes she begs. I am very tentative about this because of her Dog Taste, but I do it for Mom. That way, Mom doesn't have to clean her as often. Let's face it gang, one dog is more work than ten cats. They can't even use a litter box for Cat-god sakes. In fact, they are so gross and untrainable, they will actually eat cat poop. Come on, admit it, dogs, you all eat our crap at the first opportunity. You will eat garbage too. You are all disgusting.

So I want you all to under-

stand that when I clean up Tosca,

it has nothing

whatsoever to do with Love, It's strictly a favor for Mom and has absolutely nothing to do with Tosca-Love. Just so you know. I offer this photo as Exhibit B, so you can see that I do not enjoy this. You can see that right? Oh Look! My claws are out! So let me ask you dogs again: You do see that I am not really showing affection in this photo, but that I am performing a function, a distasteful task. You see that, right? Right?

In closing, I would like to let you all know that I and my fellow cat rulers here at our peaceful home resent the fact that a dog who can't even make up her mind whether her ears should be Up or Down has her own blog. Therefore, expect to hear from us more often.

I'm out of here for now. I have to go torture Tosca. She is trying to herd Roni. For some stupid reason, she thinks that because she is a herding dog, she can round us cats up. How stupid is that? Everybody knows you can't herd cats. You would think she would get it. But nope.

Catch you later. Me and $nack and Roni are gonna surround Tosca and make her run in circles.

I gotta get a picture of that.